Mmm
This is one of my favourite melodies, so the title alone sets the bar high...
You've got the melody right... The sounds fit the mood...
But it's pretty loud, and I've heard at least a couple very good remixes of this song, and to be brutally honest, I'd rather listen to the original song in the 16 bit megadrive, than the remix... It's just because the original was done well, and using a good melody alone wont make a song good. (Lol, no offence though, I've done it myself :))
But yeah, keep improving, try and something new with your remixes...
I think there was an industrial version of this song at OCRemixes, but maybe it was the oil field zone remix I'm thinking of...
Also, the beat was too simple, add some high hats, and a snare at least.
Keep trying you'll get there.